I’ll be honest: sometimes the "language police" in the autism community can make you feel like you're walking on eggshells. When I first started this journey, I quickly realized there is a massive, ongoing debate about whether I should say my son is an "autistic child" or a "child with autism."

To be real with you, I think getting bogged down in these semantics can sometimes detract from the stuff that actually matters - like how we support our kids' development and celebrate their wins. But, because language is how we share our stories and respect one another, it is worth a quick chat about why I use both.

The Two Perspectives

In my experience listening to adults in the community and other parents, I’ve seen that there is no "one-size-fits-all" answer. Here is how I’ve come to understand the two sides:

  • Identity-First ("Autistic Person"): Some people prefer this because they see autism as an inseparable part of who they are. It’s the "operating system" of their brain. To them, it's a fundamental identity, much like being "left-handed" or "tall."
  • Person-First ("Person with Autism"): Others prefer this because it emphasizes the individual first and the diagnosis second. It’s a reminder that their child is a human being before they are a label.
Parent and child connecting

Why You’ll See Both on This Blog

At autiism.com, I want this to be a space where every parent feels welcome, regardless of which "side" of the linguistic fence they sit on. I don't want a mom or dad to feel excluded or "wrong" just because of the phrasing they choose.

My Philosophy on Language:

  • Inclusivity First: I use both terms to reflect the diversity of the community.
  • Respecting Choice: Whether you see autism as your core identity or just one piece of the puzzle, I respect that.
  • Focusing on the Person: My son is my son, no matter what order the words come in.

Moving Beyond the Label

When I look at my son, I don't see a grammar choice. I see a boy who is funny, brilliant, and experiences the world with an intensity that is all his own. My priority isn't winning a linguistics debate, it's offering a science-rooted, strength-based space for families like mine who are navigating the spectrum every day.

Going forward, please know that both terms are equally acceptable here. I want us to spend less energy on the grammar and more energy on the progress and potential of our incredible kids.

At the end of the day, the child always comes before the words we use to describe them.